


Breathe Deep or Not at All

by amelia_vale_official



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Black Paladin Keith (Voltron), Blood and Injury, CPR, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Head Injury, Indirect Kiss, Jeith - Freeform, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Injuries, Pining James (Voltron), Rare Pairings, Season 7 Alternate Ending, Whump, almost dead, black lion - Freeform, jaith - Freeform, james griffin/keith - Freeform, james/keith - Freeform, lowkey sheith, medically induced coma, not breathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 21:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15872055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amelia_vale_official/pseuds/amelia_vale_official
Summary: “Pilots, fall back. Those blasts can vaporize you!”Why did James care about the gasp in Keith’s voice? He sounded exhausted, panicked, he sounded in pain, there was a crack in his voice. What was he supposed to do though besides follow orders and fly the MFE back towards the Atlas to wait it out. Clearly there was something different about this new enemy, and James had realized quickly that their weapons had no effect on the creature. If they couldn’t do damage to the hostile, then they were as good as dead, that was the reality.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I’ve had this headcanon that after the lions crashed, the MFE pilots were the first to react and head over to check on the paladins. Reason being, they were the ones who brought them to the canons in the first place, and I really like the idea of them being, you know, somehow partners to the paladins, bodyguards or the Earth version of Voltron, idk. But anyway, in this, James is a pining boy who doesn’t comprehend his feelings, all he knows is he has to get to the Black Lion first, but it doesn’t go quite as he planned.

“Pilots, fall back. Those blasts can vaporize you!”

Why did James care about the gasp in Keith’s voice? He sounded exhausted, panicked, he sounded in pain, there was a crack in his voice. What was he supposed to do though besides follow orders and fly the MFE back towards the Atlas to wait it out. Clearly there was something different about this new enemy, and James had realized quickly that their weapons had no effect on the creature. If they couldn’t do damage to the hostile, then they were as good as dead, that was the reality.

So the four of them returned to the Atlas, and James yelled at the mechanics to recharge the fighter in case they were needed for anything, then ran for the nearest window to try and watch the fight, desperate for a visual on Voltron. It was hard to watch, had a knot tying in James’ throat as he dropped his helmet to press both hands against the ballistic glass, eyes wide.

He felt sick, panicked, his heart racing dramatically in his chest as he watched the lions haul the downed mecha into the air, through the atmosphere and into the void of space beyond. Then a blast of light, like a star going super nova, and James tasted bile, pulling back and covering his mouth as the five lions came tumbling back into the atmosphere and streaking through the air in tails of light.

The black lion left a trail of bright purple in its wake, crashing into the ground at the Garrison, and James was running towards the MFE hangars before he could comprehend it, yelling orders at his team and grabbing the edge of his fighter’s wing to swing himself up.

“Everyone, retrieve the paladins and rendezvous at the Garrison! I’m going after the Black Lion!”

“Wait, they could be okay!” Rizavi yelled as James jumped into the pilot seat, “We need to wait for orders- why am I telling you this?!”

She, Kinkade, and Leifsdottir turned when the doors slid open, Sam Holt, Shiro, Veronica, and Coran sprinting into the hangars.

“The paladins aren’t responding!” Veronica was the one to yell, “We need to get to them!”

“That thing drained their Quintessence the same way the Komar did!” Coran called in panic, and James had no idea what that meant, but decided he didn’t care.

He knew Quintessence was essentially energy or a life source, so if the paladins had been drained of that life energy, then that was bad. That’s really all he needed to know. James followed orders, but no one had ordered him to stop, in fact Veronica’s words had basically been a direct order to find the paladins (she was their handler after all, right?). So James pulled the helmet on, gritting his teeth as he shut the cockpit without another word and pulled the MFE into flight, directing it towards the Garrison where the Black Lion was still smoking, heavy dust clouds settling.

James touched down none too elegantly, sprinting towards the downed lion. The eyes were dark, the jaws gaping open just barely, the gap small enough that James had to squeeze himself through, falling to his hands and knees when he was inside, scrambling for the path to the cockpit. This was his first time actually being in the mechanical marvel, but he had no time to enjoy it as he yelled into the comms.

“I’m with the Black Lion now! Headed for the cockpit!”

“I have eyes on the Green Lion and I’m setting down now!” Rizavi yelled back through the comms, “There’s no response from the Paladin through communications!”

“I’m receiving the same silence,” Leifsdottir noted, “Yellow Lion unresponsive, all lights down, comm lines are quiet.”

“The Red Paladin is alive but unconscious,” Veronica’s shaky voice added, “We’re pulling him out now and bringing him to the Garrison medical wing.”

“Allura is in the same condition!” Coran reported, “The lion is unresponsive but the princess is breathing!”

“Bring her back to the Garrison, we’ll deal with the lions later!” Shiro ordered.

James was barely listening as he began prying the doors leading to the cockpit open, grunting from the force but not at all willing to give up, slipping himself into the small gap and pressing his back against one side, lifting a leg to shove at the other side with his heel.

“Officer Griffin, what’s the status of the Black Lion!” Shiro’s voice was shakier that time, maybe James was imagining it.

“The lion is unresponsive,” he grunted as he shoved the doors apart, “Entering the cockpit now.”

He panted as he pushed himself into the room, eyes arching around the room before his steps picked up and he jogged over to the pilots chair that sat inanimately in front of the windows. James felt positive from the reports that had come in through his comm line. The other paladins were fine, unconscious but alive and breathing, so he wasn’t overly concerned when he stepped around the pilots chair to see Keith slumped forward, arms lying limp at his sides and head bowed, visor of his helmet shadowing his face.

“Kogane,” he crouched down and grabbed Keith by the shoulder, pushing him to lean against the high back of the seat, words catching on his tongue when his eyes fell on the streaks of red running from beneath the bottom of the helmet and down the column of Keith’s neck.

James tried to be gentle as he grabbed the helmet and pried it off, dropping it to the ground and grabbing Keith’s face with his fingers, turning his head to see the blood matting his black hair, the dark scarlet staining his cheek and dripping off.

“Talk to me, Paladin, wake up,” he patted Keith’s cheek a few times, panic rising in his chest as his breath began to come out heavy, dropping his hand and pressing his fingers to Keith’s neck.

It was a relief to find a pulse, but it was slow, shallow, and James realized with a jolt that his heart was beating, but he wasn’t breathing.

“No, no,” James grabbed Keith clumsily by the arm and hauled him out of the seat, disregarding the fact that he was probably injured worse than the wound in his head.

He dragged the unconscious paladin to the middle of the cockpit and laid him down on his back before tearing the helmet off his own head, fingers clawing at the armor on Keith’s chest until he’d torn it off and thrown it across the room, lying his head against the other man’s chest to search for a heartbeat and cursing when his chest refused to rise with his breaths.

How long had it been since he stopped breathing? How long could he survive without oxygen? God no, why did this happen?

“Six minutes,” James said to himself as he set his positioned his hands over Keith’s chest, “Come on, Kogane.”

Knowing CPR was necessity in any military position, fighter pilot was no exception, but James never realized he’d actually need to use the skill. He didn’t know a lot about medicine, but he knew this much. He could do this much. He wasn’t going to let Keith die. One could go six minutes not breathing before the brain begins to die, and James acted on that assumption as he began chest compressions.

There was no immediate reaction, so he tilted Keith’s head back with a hand on his forehead, lifting his chin until his mouth fell open, keeping his wrist against Keith’s forehead so he could reach down and pinch his nostrils closed, then ducking his face to exhale a breath into Keith’s mouth, eyes locked on the paladin’s chest as it raised. Breathing twice, then leaning back and waiting for Keith’s chest to fall before covering his chest with his hands again.

Compressions, breaths, repeat. Compressions, breaths, repeat. There was no response, so he repeated again, his panic not helping him at all.

“Come on!”

“Griffin! What’s your status!” he could hear someone yell from the comm in his helmet, but he’d thrown it to the side.

He couldn’t tell who was talking, the voice was too distorted from this far away, but he just ignored it as he repeated the chest compressions and rescue breaths. How long had it been? Hours? Was his heart still beating? Why wasn’t he breathing? What was going on? This couldn’t happen this couldn’t happen. Not after all they’d fought for!

It wasn’t fair, they couldn’t just win a war only to lose their greatest defender, their greatest hero.

“Keith come on! Don’t do this, breathe! You can’t just do this! I haven’t- I haven’t even apologized properly! I haven’t thanked you!”

James panted and tilted Keith’s head back to breath into his mouth yet again, leaning up a moment but not recognizing the clear drops that fell to Keith’s cheek before he dropped back for a second breath.

“Griffin where is Keith?!” Shiro, that’s who was yelling through the comm, “James, answer me! KEITH!”

Keith’s body jerked along the floor, his gasp in was sharp and violent, and James pulled off of what had to be his hundredth rescue breath, keeping one hand on Keith’s forehead, his other hand against his chest.

“Keith!” James gasped, body freezing as the Black Paladin settled against the ground, his chest rising and falling gently with his shaky breaths, and James clung to the tight fabric of the black underarmor on Keith’s chest, watching his face desperately as his brow furrowed.

His eyes cracked open, showing shadowed indigo glazed over with pain and confusion, clear exhaustion deep set in the lines of his face, and James sighed in relief as he dragged his hand away from his forehead to instead cup his cheek, thumb tracing the scar there as he waited patiently for a reaction from the paladin.

He wasn’t expecting it, though maybe he should have been, the way Keith’s eyes watered as he whispered on a broken voice, “Shiro…?”

James felt himself tighten up like dry leather about to snap, uncertain of why he felt so annoyed. It made sense that Keith would call out for the captain, someone he trusted and relied on, when he was in such a weakened and vulnerable state. James had no right to judge the paladin for it, and simply sighed again, holding Keith’s cheek a little firmer than before.

“You’re okay, Keith. I’m here.”

Was it wrong to let him believe Shiro was there when he wasn’t? Maybe it was, but if it made Keith feel better, then who cared? James curled an arm beneath his shoulders and lifted him up to a position that helped him breathe a little better, reaching back blindly so he could grab his helmet from where he’d tossed it.

His intention was to assure Shiro and the others that Keith was alright, watching as the paladin’s eyes shut, just moments before heavy footfalls echoed loudly in the mechanics of the lion.

“Keith!” Shiro appeared in the doorway and James tensed up, setting the helmet back down.

“He’s okay. He… I had to get him out of the chair, his head’s bleeding.”

“You’ve been radio silent for ten minutes,” Shiro said bitterly as he stepped forward and knelt down on Keith’s other side.

“That… it’s been ten minutes?” James didn’t fight when Shiro reached out to take Keith, prosthetic supporting his back as he reached with his flesh and bone hand to touch the scar on his cheek.

“Shiro, did you find him?” the Altean man with that mustache ran in next, Coran was his name, and James stood with Shiro, who had a firm hold on Kieth, lifting him off his feet to carry him.

“He’s alive but unconscious. He’s in bad shape, we need to get him to the infirmary.”

“Wait,” James grabbed both his helmet and Keith’s before following Shiro, “Captain, I’m sorry I didn’t answer sooner, I-.”

“It’s fine, Griffin. Bring the MFE to the Garrison hangar.”

“Captain-.”

“How are the others?”

“They’re not in perfect health and they’re all unconscious, but nothing too severe,” Coran answered, following Shiro with James hurrying after, “They’ll be awake within a few days, but they need rest.”

“Keith more so than the rest I imagine,” Shiro stepped out of the mouth of the lion and towards the Garrison as James jumped out to run after.

“Sir!”

“Griffin you have your orders,” Shiro’s voice was terse and unamused as he turned to look at James, who tried not to let the angry expression affect him, “Take care of your team while I take care of mine.”

“Sir he wasn’t breathing when I found him!” James managed to get out, his voice breaking, and Shiro stopped in his steps, not turning but not speaking, so James quickly continued, “He wasn’t breathing, his temple was bleeding, that’s why I wasn’t answering, I had to give him CPR.”

Shiro turned to look at James, and his expression seemed so entirely broken as he tightened his hold on Keith, cradling him close, “Thank you for letting me know, he might need extra medical attention because of that. My orders remain, bring the MFE back to its hangar, then get yourself some rest.”

“He’ll be okay, right?”

“He’s breathing now,” Shiro answered, “He’s been through worse. He’ll be fine, I’ll make sure of it.”

James couldn’t do anything besides nod and stay standing where he was. A part of him wanted to follow, if only to confirm Shiro’s words for himself, but knew he had no clearance or reason to stay by Keith while he was being treated. He wasn’t family, wasn’t officially a member of his team, they weren’t even friends. They were soldiers who happened to be in the same war, Keith was basically a superior officer because of his status as a Paladin, as the hope for the Earth, for the entire universe.

That status made him ethereal, otherworldly, and for a fighter pilot who was barely an acquaintance when they were younger, it just made the idea of James staying by his side even more ridiculous. He had no right, and Keith wouldn’t want to wake up to him of all people at his bedside anyway. No, who he wanted there was…

“Sir,” Shiro stopped again, James felt guilty for constantly doing that, but this was something he needed to hear, “He woke up for a moment, just a moment, when I got him breathing again. He passed out immediately after, but he did say something, I thought it would be important to tell you.”

Shiro looked curious, apprehensive, every second he didn’t have Keith in the infirmary, his grip around him just tightened. James had to stare, because it seemed like such a bizarre thing to witness, like he was peering through a cracked, grimy mirror and into an alternate reality. One where Keith was that small and broken, head against Shiro’s shoulder, eyes shut and dry tears on his cheeks. That clearly wasn’t real, James told himself. Surely the Keith from his reality wasn’t that small.

“What is it, Cadet?” Shiro asked when James seemed to take too long just staring at Keith, and it made James wince when he tightened his grip yet again.

“He… said your name, sir,” James answered, not meeting Shiro’s eye, because he didn’t want to see it.

Didn’t want to see the expression the man wore in response.

But curiosity won, James lifted his gaze from Keith’s face to look at Shiro’s, and he regretted it, because the face Shiro was giving James was something he’d never seen. Eyes heavily lidded and filled with pure pain, glinting from memories James has no business even side-eyeing, lips heavy in a parted frown like he wanted to respond but just couldn’t, entire face drawn into a broken expression of loss and regret.

“Understood,” even his voice sounded guilty, and when he turned James decided not to stop him again.


	2. Chapter 2

Keith didn’t wake up for a long time. That made sense, considering the trauma his mind and body had gone through. James didn’t know how long he’d stopped breathing for, but it had taken at least ten minutes for James to bring him back. That meant there could have been issues with his mind, and worse, it had caused subsequent inflammation in his lungs, causing a mild Pulmonary Edema. That only threatened severe pneumonia, which prompted the doctors into keeping him under a medically induced coma while they treated the Black Paladin.

Allura was the first of the paladins to wake up, likely due to her alien genes and heightened healing abilities. The first thing she did was ask about the other paladins, folding her hands in relief when she was reassured that her team was alive. Hunk woke next, scratching at the bandages around his head, tears in his eyes as his parents sat on the bed with him so they could wrap protective arms around him as he sobbed.

Lance was next, waking in a jerk of panic but settling so quickly as his precious niece and nephew climbed onto the bed to crowd him. The doctor in the room scolded them for it, but held back as Lance wrapped both arms around the children and laughed. Pidge’s consciousness followed, though it took her longer to really wake up after her eyes opened, mumbling incoherent mathematical nonsense that only Commander Holt seemed to understand.

The four paladins were happy to be awake, brought to tears when they were told they’d won, but their expressions became drawn, pale, panicked when they were told Keith wasn’t awake yet. They were given a short explanation that left out most of what happened, worrying them with details would likely just stress their conditions, but it wouldn’t stop them from worrying altogether.

Keith didn’t wake up for days, and by the time he did start to rouse from the coma, factions of the Voltron Coalition were already there on Earth. It had been a strange thing to get used to, especially when the Blade of Marmora touched down. The entire planet could have been given a briefing about them and they still wouldn’t have been prepared for the hulking, looming presence of Galra that stepped out of the ship.

After a three year war under the hands of these very creatures, it wasn’t strange that the Garrison was tense and suspicious, eyes glaring and uneasy. Only the highest cleared personnel were allowed out on the grounds to greet them, but every eye was watching, faces pressed to the glass, as aliens they’d come to view as complete monsters stepped towards Shiro, Iverson, and Sam Holt.

Shiro stepped forward first to greet them, meeting the female at the front with a hug as Keith’s cosmic wolf paced after him, circling them both until the alien had crouched down to greet him as well, a smile of relief on her lips that faded as piercing eyes fanned over the area, standing to her full height once more and looking at Shiro.

“Where’s Keith?”

Shiro hesitated at the question, James tensed from where he stood in a line with his team off to the side watching the interaction, “We can brief you and Kolivon on the current situation here later. You’ll want to sit with him.”

The alien’s eyes widened a fraction, shoulders squaring as an even taller Galra stepped to her side, “I will go as well.”

“Of course,” Shiro didn’t even argue, and James swallowed the lump of protest in his throat, eyes following the three of them as Shiro willingly lead them towards the medical wing of the Garrison, leaving Iverson and Sam to deal with the rest of the aliens.

What the hell was Shiro thinking, allowing these things in the same room as their Black Paladin? Did he even care about Keith if he was putting him in direct danger like this? James wanted to follow, and after a few more tense moments of standing there while the Galra passed through the courtyard and into a temporary designated living space, Iverson dismissed the MFE fighters, and James bolted.

He stopped before he got to the door leading into Keith’s room, steps faltering when he realized it was still open. It was enough to remind him that he really had no right to be there, that he wasn’t family or even a friend, if someone were to see him wandering, lingering near Keith’s door, they would just give him weird looks.

Didn’t you hate him forever ago?

Remember that time he punched you?

Why would you care about his condition?

“His condition is stable,” the voice from inside the bedroom urged James to shuffle closer and peer in, eyes immediately on Shiro’s back, “The fight drained all of the Paladin’s, but Keith is the only one still unconscious.”

“Why?” the male Galra was the one to ask, and James arched a little further forward to peer around Shiro’s form, catching sight of the two aliens on the far side of the room, standing to the left of Keith’s bed.

The female was sitting on the edge of it, one hand covering Keith’s, which was in a loose fist lying on his stomach, but the male stayed on his feet behind her, both of them watching the Black Paladin with… honestly, what looked like heavy concern and love. Even though the male’s were nothing but filmed yellow without any kind of pupil, somehow James could make out the affection just from the lines of his rather horrifying features.

“Keith is sensitive to Quintessence, possibly because of his hybrid genetics,” Shiro was explaining, and James felt his brow furrow at the use of the word hybrid, “His, and the other paladin’s quintessence, was drained during their final fight, but before then even they’d all used up energy and ability while fighting Sendak’s armada. Keith especially… pushed himself, of course, and being naturally sensitive-.”

“Shiro,” the female Galra had her eyes closed, but her simple statement of Shiro’s name had the tension in the room stretching, until she moved her gaze to the captain, “What happened to my son?”

James was certain he’d stopped breathing at that, and Shiro gave a sigh, “He wasn’t breathing,” he said, and the Galra’s eyes widened in fear, “One of our advanced fighter pilots found him, he was the only one of the Paladins who wasn’t breathing. The pilot managed to revive him with CPR, chest compressions and rescue breaths, but his lungs were inflamed from the damage. The doctors put him under a medically induced coma while treating a mild Pulmonary Edema and pneumonia.”

“What’s that?”

“Liquid in the lungs, caused by the inflammation,” Shiro finished, shoulders slumping and another sigh escaping, “Krolia I’m sorry, I am so sorry. I wasn’t there for him. Keith was always, always there for me, he’s saved my life countless times and I… when he needed me I wasn’t there.”

“Shiro, you were there when it mattered the most,” Krolia said, removing her eyes from Keith’s face to smile weakly at the older pilot, “When I wasn’t here, when his father… you were the one who saved him. I’m not mad at you, I’m proud, and I’m happy he’s alive. Thank you for looking out for him.”

“Of course.”

“Sir,” James was standing in the doorway now, the bizarre conversation finally getting the best of him, and Shiro shifted on his feet so he could turn and look back at him.

His gaze didn’t make him as anxious as the gazes from the two aliens hovering over Keith, and he kept his own sharp eyes on them, unknowingly trying to make himself seem as threatening and imposing as he could manage, like he was attempting to scare them away from Keith. Not that it worked of course. They just eyed him like he was a curious fly.

“Griffin. Did you come to check on Keith?”

“What?” James tensed even more, eyes widening and moving from Krolia’s face to gape at Shiro, “No, I mean… no sir.”

Shiro arched an eyebrow, folding his arms, his expression clearly reading that he didn’t believe him, “What can I help you with then?”

“I was…,” James trailed off, suddenly caught in the fact that he had not thought this through at all, “… wondering about the new arrivals,” he finished, and that wasn’t a lie, sending his sharp gaze back to the two aliens.

“You were debriefed about the Blade of Marmora,” Shiro reminded, and James felt immediately frustrated that he didn’t understand how ridiculous this was, that he was allowing these dangerous… things to get near Keith.

“Yes, sir.”

“They aren’t our enemies, Griffin; and they would never harm Keith,” James’ gaze flickered to Keith’s unconscious face uneasily before returning his glare to Krolia, who was now fully regarding him with a curious light to her eyes.

“You can stop glaring at them,” Shiro added, and James tore his attention away as the captain stepped closer, “Since you’re here, this is Kolivon and Krolia, co-heads of the Blade. We’ll be working closely with them in the coming months while we’re working on a more sustainable defense for Earth, as well as developing a refuge for the rebel fighters and other alien allies who have been displaced.”

“Understood, sir.”

“Krolia, this is Officer James Griffin, he’s the leader of the MFE Aries fighter pilot squadron, he and his team played a detrimental part in defeating Sendak’s armada.”

Krolia hummed a little, “Nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure’s mine,” James reponded with forced politeness, ducking his head a bit as he turned towards Shiro, lifting a hand in a salute, “Forgive my intrusion, sir, it won’t happen again.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you can visit any time,” Shiro said, and it took James by surprise for a moment, “I’m sure Keith would appreciate the company.”

“And I’m sure he’d be plenty happy with your presence alone, sir,” James said, and maybe, just maybe he said that somewhat bitterly, and perhaps Shiro noticed the bitterness, but he didn’t show it other than to frown, and James dropped his arm before turning, “Please excuse me, I need to return to my team.”

Shiro watched him leave, still frowning, and at the back of his mind all he could think of was how… sad and angry James had looked just then. Also how utterly stupid he was acting, but maybe Shiro was being a hypocrite.

“A fighter pilot, you said?” Krolia asked, and Shiro looked over to see Krolia was holding her chin, staring at the door.

“Yes, James was the one who found Keith and gave him CPR.”

“I see,” Krolia murmured the words, looking down at Keith, “He’s the one who saved my son.”

“It seemed as though he wasn’t fond of our close proximity to Keith,” Kolivon stated the rather obvious, and Shiro couldn’t help the laugh, waving a hand.

“It’s going to take the people of Earth some time to get used to the Blade of Marmora. The uniform officers of the Garrison, and those with the clearance, have already been debriefed of your existence and the fact you’re our allies, the rest of the Garrison cadets and the people on Garrison grounds will also be told, but until we can get a formal statement out around the globe, it would be wise to stay within the perimeter.”

“I agree, but that was not what I was referring to,” Kolivon said, and Shiro stared at him before his lips curled into a small smile.

“Hm.”

“There is history between them.”

“You’re not wrong,” Shiro chuckled, “They had a few run ins when Keith was a cadet here, not exactly positive, and they definitely weren’t friends… Keith didn’t exactly have friends while he was in school, actually.”

“There was something there, though,” Krolia was the one to say, her hand still holding Keith’s, “Just now, as well. Maybe I’m just being a mom.”

“And you have a right,” Shiro turned, glancing at the clock in the wall before looking over his shoulder, “I need to leave now, I’m supposed to give a speech at the memorial. I’ll stop by again later.”

Keith was awake as if on schedule, right as Shiro finished his speech. His head felt light against the soft material of his pillow, pumped with so much pain medication to make him more comfortable that he didn’t immediately remember what had happened. He recognized Krolia, which was a good thing, and he managed a weak smile directed at her and Kolivon, but he couldn’t speak very well.

His voice was broken and he winced when he tried to talk, giving a wet cough that had Krolia leaning towards him, placing a hand to his chest, ”… mom…“

"I’m here Kieth, you’re safe.”

“Wha’ happened?”

“You won,” Krolia praised, hand moving to push Keith’s black bangs from his eyes, “You did wonderfully, Keith. I’m so proud of you.”

“Everyone okay?”

“They’re fine. They gained consciousness long before you did.”

“What about the Blades? Kolivon?”

“We managed to track down a few more members,” Kolivon answered, “They are safe, and currently here on Earth with us.”

“Anyone… anyone we know? Anyone I know? Or…”

“We’ll see,” Kolivon said, and that had Keith frowning, but he didn’t roll his head or attempt to hide his face in some sort of sign of frustration or defiance against Kolivon.

He clearly didn’t like the answer, but was probably too tired to say anything or do anything besides lie there. He hadn’t really moved besides to talk a bit and cough two or three times, quickly settling even deeper into the pillows and staring into a haze that neither of the Galra could see.

“Are the MFE’s alright? The pilots?” something seemed to click in his eyes, and he rolled his head, “Where’s Shiro?”

“Shiro is uninjured,” Krolia said, squeezing Keith’s hand, “as are the MFE pilots. Their leader stopped by before to check on you. James Griffin.”

“Did he not say he wasn’t here to check on Keith?”

“He was here to check on Keith,” Krolia argued, eyes closed as if in defiance, then she smiled at Keith, “He was the one who pulled you from the Black Lion, do you remember anything?”

Keith tried to, and in the back of his hazy mind he remembered hearing a voice, but… wasn’t that Shiro’s? Shiro had come to save him, that just made the most sense to Keith, but did James… did James actually…?

He shut his eyes, giving a grumble, brow drawing as he tried to reach back to anything he could recal from that final battle. He remembered a bright flash of light, blinding him, a ring in his ears as his head began to ache like he’d been stuck in a vice. He remembered his chest hurting, burning, then this feeling of floating. In water, or maybe in space, but he couldn’t see the stars.

Then he remembered feeling something warm covering his mouth, pressed to his lips, soft but trembling, hands pushing against his chest, then the painful way oxygen was yanked into his lungs. He did recal looking up at the ceiling of the Black Lion’s cockpit, the purple glow of accents completely dark, a warm hand on his forehead, fingers calloused but gentle. A face hovering above him, and Keith just assumed it was Shiro.

What other human on Earth would bother to save him like that? No one cared like Shiro did, no one ever had before, but as Keith continued to clear his mind and concentrate, he realized the face that hovered above him wasn’t scarred across the nose, fringe of hair a pale brown, not the ashy white that would identify Shiro.

No, the face of the man above him was not Shiro’s. It really had been James.

“Why?” Keith asked, opening his eyes, feeling so exhausted just from the strain of concentrating to remember the face of the man who’d saved his life.

“What do you mean?” Krolia blinked, stroking his cheek, “Why wouldn’t he?”

Keith didn’t know how to answer that, he didn’t know why it was so upsetting, but his chest felt tight, making it that much more difficult to breathe. He was dizzy at the fact that Shiro hadn’t been the one to come for him, but even more overwhelming to him was the fact James had. James Griffin, the guy he punched every other week like it was a ritual, turned out to be the first person who ran to his side when it came right down to it.

“I wanna see ‘im,” Keith mumbled through the drug laden haze of his mind, and Krolia blinked before frowning.

“Shiro is-.”

“No, no. James,” Keith said, “I wanna see James,” and the way he says his name comes out somewhat breathless and disbelieving, because Keith really just couldn’t believe it, but Krolia nods anyway.

“I’ll bring him,” she promises, thumb sliding beneath Keith’s eye, over the light bruising along his cheek, prompting him to close his eyes, “Rest for now.”

There were more Galra from the Blade of Marmora watching Shiro’s speech, but James had to recognize the way they stayed to the back, seemingly uncomfortable by the crowd but still eager to hear what the captain of the Atlas had to say. James had to admit, his words brought tears to his eyes, though he managed to keep them from falling purely from his self discipline. This wasn’t a time to cry, it was a time to look at the sky and cheer.

But James didn’t do that either. He just stood there. Rizavi had tears in her eyes as she hugged Leifsdottir, who was offering the world a rare soft smile, and Kinkade’s stance was more relaxed than it had been in a while, a long while. Shiro finished his speech and stepped back for people to cheer and cry, and James bowed his head to stare at his shoes.

The past four years had been such a wild ride, such an experience, leading him down a path that ended at Keith yet again, and his hands nearly started to tremble from the memory of the Black Paladin unmoving, not breathing, face too pale and eyes closed. He had to wonder to himself if something like that could give you PTSD, because he couldn’t seem to think of anything else these days. Ever since it happened, all his free time was spent staring at the ceiling and trying to forget the deadness of Keith’s entire existence.

A fire that flickered out, a fire that saved the Earth, one that James almost couldn’t relight. It had been… more terrifying than fighting in the MFE’s. Having his hands pressed over a chest to feel a slow beating heart that kept beating slower and slower. Keith was as good as dead, and that unnerved James. Even when he shut his eyes, he dreamt of failing to revive the paladin, and woke up in a cold sweat.

Let’s just say he hadn’t been sleeping well at all.

“James Griffin,” the voice was only vaguely familiar, and he tugged at very recent memories as he lifted his head and turned, physically jumping when he faced Krolia.

His team was on edge instantaneously, hands reaching for weapons they didn’t have, but James just forced himself to straighten his body and fully face the Galra, “Is there something I can do for you… ma'am?” he added the title after a moment of thought, not exactly sure of what he was supposed to call her.

Her brow twitched up as if in amusement, but it settled quickly, “Keith wanted to speak with you.”

The words that left her mouth had something settling in James’ bones, something heavy, maybe panic, and he parted his lips to exhale softly before speaking, “Me?” he asked, then licked his lips as Krolia nodded, “Are you certain he wasn’t asking for Captain Shirogane, ma'am?”

Krolia gave him a bored look, “I don’t know, is Captain Shirogane’s name James?”

James just stared, and for a moment he could see some painful resemblances that this woman shared with Keith, “No ma'am, that would be my name.”

“Then yes, he was asking for you specifically, by name,” she folded her arms, “Don’t make him wait, he’s exhausted enough as it is.”

“…. understood, ma'am.”

James decided to treat it as an order from his superior officer, that was a good enough excuse to step away from his team and head towards the medical wing. It wasn’t that he wanted to, really, but it was an order right? He would just tell himself that, it made things seem less odd, because he wasn’t a friend, he wasn’t family, he had no right to knock on the door and let himself in as if he was meant to be there.

He was grateful that the hulking figure of Kolivon was no longer lingering by the window when he inched into the room, though he took the time to eye each corner of the room in case the large Galra had somehow managed to hide himself in one of them. Seemed like he was really gone though, so James took a breath and entered the room fully, letting the door slide shut behind him as he took a few steps closer to the bed, pausing just beyond arms length and just staring.

Keith was lying against the pillows, blankets and sheets pulled over him and arms lying at his sides, one hand settled across his torso. His head was turned to the left, pitch hair splayed across the pillow, striking against the starch white of the hospital grade material, and the bandages wrapped around his head made him seem much more fragile than he should have been.

That thought again, Keith seemed so small and vulnerable lying in a hospital bed, it cut so deep into James’ reality that he had to walk a half circle to calm himself down enough to look back at the paladin, swallowing down the lump in his throat. Everyone got vulnerable sometimes, everyone had their defenses shattered, everyone had breaking points, everyone could look as fragile and precious as Keith did now. No one could be strong all the time, and it was unfair that James had slapped that kind of image on to Keith. He had enough to worry about without James’ expectations looming over him.

For a long moment James just stood there staring at Keith, his attention switching between watching his chest rise and fall without stuttering, and watching his face, searching for twitches of discomfort or any sign he was in pain. It looked like Keith was asleep again, and James couldn’t decide if he should leave or sit down and wait for the other pilot to wake up again.

Strangely enough he got the idea that if he left without talking to Keith, then Krolia would just get mad at him, so he decided to inch closer, careful not to make any noise, lowering himself in the chair that had been set up right on Keith’s right side. James could imagine Shiro sitting there, on Keith’s right so he could hold his hand with the one flesh and bone hand he had left.

James lifted his left hand, staring at it for a long time, turning it over a few times before his gaze flickered to where Keith’s right hand was lying on top of the sheets. A hand Shiro had probably held while waiting for Keith to wake up. He reached out, a sour taste of jealousy in his throat, fingers hovering before he set them against the back of Keith’s hand, eyes moving to the paladin’s face to ensure he was still asleep before sliding his fingers down, slipping them between Keith’s.

Then he sat there a moment, tense, waiting for Keith to wake up, but he didn’t, so he exhaled through his nose and, out of pure curiosity, pulled Keith’s hand closer, taking it in both of his own, turning it so the palm was up, back cupped in James’ right palm as he slid the fingers of his left across the lines in his hand. There were bruises, scars, and callouses on Keith’s fingers, even tiny patches that seemed discolored and bloomed a pale purple that was barely visible to the eye.

Were both hands like this? Keith did fight with a sword (of all inconvenient weapons), so it made sense his right hand would be this bruised and scarred. Had they always been like this though? It was strange. They were rough, yet smooth, and warm, and James felt the inexplicable desire to lift the hand and hold it against his cheek.

Out of paranoia, he glanced around the room, then checked to make sure Keith was still fast asleep, before lifting his hand and tilting his head, his cheeks warming as he leaned into Keith’s hand, eyes drooping. It was… kind of nice. His hand was warm. It would probably be even nicer if Keith was cupping his face on his own.

The Black Paladin shifted in the bed, grunting, and James jerked back to slam into the back of the chair, letting Keith’s hand fall back to the bed, fingers curling into the sheets as his head rolled on the pillow, brows furrowing before he blinked open his eyes. He stared at the ceiling for a moment as he just breathed in and out, then seemed to realize someone else was in the room, head rolling to the right.

James kept himself pressed exclusively to the back of the seat, hands balled into fists at his sides, and Keith squinted a bit as if he couldn’t recognize who he was looking at, “Wha’s wrong with your face?”

James opened his mouth, let it gape, before clearing his throat, “Nothing’s wrong with my face.”

“James?”

“Yea?”

“Hm,” Keith rolled his head back, lifting his hand to rub at his eyes with the heel of his palm, “Good.”

“Good?”

“I wanted to see you,” Keith said, and James definitely felt something new rise in his chest, yet at the same time it wasn’t new at all.

Just unusual, something he hadn’t felt in a while, something he only ever felt around Keith, even in the past when they were cadets. Ah, he must be pissed off then.

“Me? Are you sure?” he questioned, because he still couldn’t really believe it, “You’re sure you didn’t actually want to see the captain? You’re kind of high on pain medication right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if you couldn’t think straight. I can go get him for you if you’d like.”

“I wanted to see you,” Keith repeated, emphasizing the word you, frustration on his face, and maybe pain, which was the last thing James wanted to cause, “You’re the one who came to me in the Black Lion, after I fell.”

“So?”

“I wanted… to thank you. You saved me,” James tensed as Keith rolled his head to look him in the eye, “You saved me, James.”

“W-well…. I mean, what was I supposed to do, just leave you?”

“You could’ve.”

“I’m not a monster, Keith, I have no plans of ever leaving a team member to die if I can do something about it,” he said it with a snap, “I don’t leave people behind, ever.”

“Because you’re a leader,” Keith said, more a statement than anything, “I get it, but still. Thank you.”

“Okay, fine, you’re welcome,” James wanted Keith to shut up, because the tone of his drugged up voice, and the expression on his face as he looked at James, was making him feel uncomfortable, shifting in his seat like the indigo eyes were burning his skin, “Do you want me to get Shirogane for you then?”

“I said I wanted to see you,” Keith said, repeating the same phrase, a simple phrase but it was enough to make James melt a little.

“Yea, because you wanted to talk to me. Thank me. You thanked me, so we’re done here now.”

“Do we have to be? Done, I mean? Do we have to be done?”

James grit his teeth, and he was glaring at Keith now. It wasn’t rational to get mad, Keith wasn’t himself right now, his mind was hazy because of drugs, because if they didn’t give him drugs he’d just be in pain, and it was better for him to talk like a loon than lie there wincing and shaking from agony. Maybe it was the fact Keith wasn’t himself that made James so upset. Keith would never say this kind of thing if he was clear headed.

“You called Shiro’s name when I got you to wake up,” James found himself saying, as if he’d made the unconscious decision to tell Keith about it while he was still drugged, “You weren’t breathing, but when you woke up you said Shiro’s name.”

“I thought he was the one who came for me,” Keith revealed on a mumbled, head turned towards James but eyes cast down, “It didn’t make sense that anyone else would be there. Especially you.”

“Why?”

“We don’t get along,” Keith shrugged limply, “Never did. Shiro is the only one that made sense, because we’ve been friends for a long time. He just… was the only one who ever seemed to care.”

The last part fell from his lips on a whisper, and something seized in James’ chest, pulling him to lean forward, “Keith that’s not true.”

“No one really tried to stop me when I left the Garrison,” Keith hummed, looking exhausted and sinking deeper into the pillows, “No one tried to stop me when I left Voltron. Shiro was the only one who really reacted when I came back. Lance just yelled at me, everyone else treated it like I hadn’t been gone. Like they didn’t care. Why else would I only expect Shiro to be the one next to me when I woke up? Maybe I was expecting too much from him though.”

“You don’t exactly make it easy to get along with you,” James defended, “People tried to get close to you and you push them away.”

James immediately regretted his words when Keith pressed his lips together, eyes rimming with tears that didn’t fall, “I can’t help it.”

“Okay, calm down, I was just… I was just saying.”

“I thought Shiro was the one who found me after, when I opened my eyes then I remember seeing someone, but their face was blurred. I felt safe, so I just assumed it was Shiro, but… if I concentrate enough, I don’t remember seeing white hair or a scar, I remember… you…,” his eyes moved to James, who tensed, “It really was you then, right? You’re the one who actually found me in Black.”

“I… yea, that’s what I said…,” James muttered.

“I’m just really surprised is all,” Keith rolled his head on the pillow to stare at the wall, “I’m surprised it was you.”

“I told you, Keith, I’m not going to let anyone from my team die if I have any say in it; and there’s no way in hell I’m letting the only hope for Earth- for the damn universe, die!” he hesitated, “You got hurt, that part was inevitable, you were hurt defending our home, and I can only admire you for that, but I can also be pissed off at you for being reckless, pissed off at myself for not being able to be more helpful,” his head bowed, eyes widening when he felt a hand on his head.

“You helped plenty,” Keith argued, “You saved my life after all.”

James grit his teeth again, but he kept his head bowed. It was a bit demeaning to have Keith ruffle his hair like he was a kid being comforted, but the sensation of slender fingers carding through his hair was calming, and he decided not to stop the paladin.

“You weren’t breathing when I found you,” James revealed, and maybe that was too much shock information to tell a drastically weakened patient who’d only recently woken from a coma, but at this point James couldn’t stop himself, “You’re heartbeat was too shallow, you weren’t breathing, so… I had to give you CPR. It took a long time. I guess I’m pretty bad at giving emergency medical aid too.”

“But I’m breathing again,” Keith reminded as if it was something James could forget, and James lifted his head to meet his eye, “because of you.”

James lifted his arm, taking the hand Keith had tangled in his hair, squeezing his fingers as he pulled it down. He decided it was okay to respond on instinct alone. Since Keith was so high on drugs he probably wouldn’t remember this conversation anyway. He wasn’t himself, he was talking in a weird way, like he was someone entirely different, and James was convinced he was obviously in an alternate reality.

One where Keith was always this submissive and relaxed, one where it was normal for James to cling to his hand with both of his own, ducking his head to press his forehead against the backs of Keith’s fingers, taking a shaky breath in as he pinched his eyes closed.

“Don’t make me do it again,” he said weakly, “I don’t want to see anyone else not breathing, especially you. I was… so scared I wouldn’t be able to bring you back. Do you understand? I don’t want to see anyone die!”

“I do,” Keith tried to pull his hand away, but that just prompted James into tightening his grip, “James I’ve been part of this war for ages, I’ve seen things… seen things you couldn’t begin to imagine. I’ve seen people die, I’ve lost friends and companions. I understand.”

“It’s different!”

“You shouldn’t compare people’s experiences in war,” Keith chided sleepily, “We’ve both seen a lot, James. What we’ve witnessed might have been different, but we can still understand each other.”

“No, you don’t get it,” James’ voice shook, and Kieth furrowed his brow, his foggy mind trying to wrap itself around James’ distress.

“What, are you jealous of me or something?” James shook his head, “You wish it had been you up there?”

“I’m mad because I couldn’t be closer!” James snapped, hands shaking as he clung to Keith, “I’m mad I couldn’t stop it before it happened! I’m mad… you had to stop breathing just so the rest of us could continue.”

Keith blinked a few times, pressing his lips together, “James I’m okay,” clearly the pilot was in worse distress about the situation than Keith had assumed, and even with his head as filled with fog as it was, Keith could understand to some extent that he needed to be reassured, “I don’t regret what I did. The rest of the paladins did the same thing,” he managed to push himself to sit straight, leaning towards James, “I’ve been prepared to sacrifice myself for this war for a long time. All of the paladins are prepared. I’m okay right now, though, because you brought me back.”

James shook his head, “What if I hadn’t? What if I’d gotten there too late?”

“Why are you worrying about too late?” Keith asked, “It wasn’t too late. James,” James lifted his head a bit, but he didn’t release Keith’s hand, “You saved my life.”

James didn’t reply vocally, pulling Keith’s hand closer and pressing the back of it against his lips, eyes closing. Keith’s eyes widened, his head reeling from the bizarrely familiar sensation of those lips. Well… James had been the one to give him CPR after all. Giving his own breath so Keith could breathe again.

“James…”

“I have to go,” James squeezed Keith’s hand once more and stood up, keeping his head down to avoid Keith’s eye as he turned and walked around the chair, “Get some rest, please. You need to take it easy until you’re fully recovered. I’ll see you around.”

Keith watched him leave with wide eyes, settling back against the pillows and lifting his hand to look at it, drawing it closer to slide his fingers across his lips, shutting his eyes. Who could’ve known that James would be the one to save his life in the end? It felt surreal, almost like karma, Keith had to face this kind of thing after having such a deep adverse against James for so long.

This incident seemed to solidify the fact James had grown and matured, though, he was different, less antagonistic and genuinely seemed to care about Keith; and Keith… maybe he cared too.

He let his arm settle back at his side, head tilting back into the pillows and keeping his eyes shut as he breathed in, slow and deep, simply enjoying the fact he could breathe at all as a soft smile curled along his lips. Wow was he happy to be alive.


End file.
